I'm lost and stupid without you.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
