Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
