wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
