from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
