Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
someone owes me an orgasm
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
