They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
