Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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