Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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