morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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