So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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