do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
