you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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