feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
