There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
