so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
