rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
