she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
