I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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