I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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