woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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