I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
