They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
