there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
