69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She's the barista slut.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
