Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
