my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
