goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The struggles of a small town man whore
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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