K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
