i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
