I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i think i have two assholes
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
