My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
