Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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