Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
