I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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