How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
