I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
