Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
