i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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