What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
