The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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