he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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