After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
