I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
