Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
