The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
