who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
