I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I lost the right to judge tonight
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
