I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
