batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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