Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
