Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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